My Birthday

*sigh* well today is my birthday. I am now officially 29.. next year will be 29 and holding :) Today was kind of bittersweet.

You see, Troy and I have been praying, and agonizing, and praying and crying .... but we have come to a very difficult decision that it's time to move on from our present church. I know Troy heard from God, and we really believe that we are in God's perfect will in this decision, but I have to be honest when I say this move hurts a little.

It feels like leaving Canada all over again. Truthfully... have some people who are not concerned either way with us leaving... it was nice to know ya, maybe we'll see you in the future kind of thing... then there are some whom I'm sure are relieved that this decision has been made. Then there are those whom we've grown very close to. When I say that it feels like we are leaving Canada all over again, I mean that we are leaving people that we have grown so very close to behind, to follow God's path for our lives. And there are some people that I know don't understand, some that are even angry. This is how my family was when we told them that we were going into the ministry, and we felt God directing us to the USA.

Being in the ministry is bittersweet sometimes. The fantastic side is that you are almost always meeting someone new. You are meeting new family. You are touching hearts and lives, and they are touching yours. The bittersweet comes in when it is time to take a new focus when God directs you. I feel that I now have family all over North America. My loved ones are in Ohio, Illinois, Florida, Arkansas, Texas, Oklahoma, Alberta, BC... And then there are those who are loved ones that are related to loved ones that I pray for and keep tabs on.

To all those whom I love, and who love me. Thank you for allowing me to touch your heart... you have certainly touched mine. My life would not have been complete without you, and that's why God has brought you into my life, and me into yours. And I have to let you know that once you enter my heart, you remain there for all time.

I know that we can not always understand why life takes the turns that it does... and we may never understand the choices our loved ones make, or the way God directs us... but I do know, that when it hurts, put it into God's hands, and trust him to give you the peace that passes all understanding.

Here I am God, with my heart today. I am placing it gently into your hands, for today it hurts.. and along with my heart I place all my loved ones, God care for them and ease their pain. Give them joy Father God, and confidence that you have directed all of our paths.

Just keep us in prayer as we make this transition in our lives. Pray that we are in the perfect will of God and that we remain there. And pray for those who remain to continue God's work.

((((my family who are all over the place ))))))) I love you. .

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Heart is heavy

The devil is very sneaky at what he does. My heart is heavy today. God knows why. Could you keep us and our family in prayer as we go through this valley, pray that we have wisdom for every step we take and that we end up in God's perfect will for our lives.

*deep breath*


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Hot to touch!

If you all could keep my daughter in your prayers. Yesterday she awoke from her nap with 103 rectal temp. We called the Dr.. took her in gave her all the approperiate meds to get it under control. I figured it was probably due to the heat outside as she had gone with daddy swimming.

But at 2 in the morning she came into our room crying saying " mommy, hot " So I picked her up and just about put her right back down.. she was almost literally too hot to touch!

Then she started to throw up, due to being so hot, so we rushed to get her somethign to throw up in, while getting her more ib profin, her meds and cool room temp cloths to control this thing, and then be on our way to the ER. When I read her temp from the thermometer I couldn't believe my eyes. Orally she had a temp of 104.5!!!!!!!

They couldn't see anything wrong with her, although the tested her for strep throat .. that came back negative but they want us to really watch her and take her back to the dr on Monday, to the ER if she spikes like that again uncontrolably.

So not knowing what's going on, but knowing I have a very sick little girl, could you all please remember her in prayer? Thank you

no title.. just a verse

Isaiah 46:8-11

"Think about this. Wrap your minds around it.
This is serious business, rebels. Take it to heart.
Remember your history,
your long and rich history.
I am God, the only God you've had or ever will have—
incomparable, irreplaceable—
From the very beginning
telling you what the ending will be,
All along letting you in
on what is going to happen,
Assuring you, 'I'm in this for the long haul,
I'll do exactly what I set out to do,'
Calling that eagle, Cyrus, out of the east,
from a far country the man I chose to help me.
I've said it, and I'll most certainly do it.
I've planned it, so it's as good as done.

My song

Sometimes I wonder if this will always be a song that expresses how I feel...

Lost in a windswept land
In a world of shifting sand
A fragile flower stands apart
There on that barren ground
You feel like the one
Trying to serve Him with all your heart

And you wonder, wonder
Can you last much longer
This cloud you are under
Will it cover you

Desert rose (desert rose)
Don't you worry, don't be lonely
Heaven knows, Heaven knows
In a dry and weary land a flower grows
His desert rose

Sometimes holiness
Can seem like emptiness
When you feel the whole world's laughing eyes
But if it's a lonely day
Know you're on the Father's way
He will hear you when you cry

And He will hold you, hold you
Your Father will hold you
He will love you, love you
For the things you do

Desert rose (desert rose)
Don't you worry, don't be lonely
Heaven knows, Heaven knows
In a dry and weary land a flower grows
His desert rose

Desert rose...


It's a very old song by White Heart. Sometimes I feel like a Desert Rose. I wait to bloom and it feels like the rain will never come.

*sigh*

I have some questions today

I was reading another PW's blog... and I do know this from talking with other PW's on a frequent basis.. the general consensus is we are forced to live a secret life... meaning that we are not permitted to be transparent. If you hurt .. you certainly can not talk to anyone about this because they can and most often will use it against you.

I struggle with this. Please allow me to explain why. I am a person that is easily read. I can not hide emotions for the life of me, and I have never really been able to figure out how people do that. I'm starting to wonder if God has a purpose for me in that. I know that the Bible specifically tells us :

Matt 7:6

6 "Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces.
NIV

So I know I can't just go and tell every Tom, Dick and harry everything that is going on in my heart, mind or spirit... but is God really telling us to keep everything to ourselves? Or is He more saying to be careful of who you share with and what you share.

I'm leaning more towards the "being careful of who you share with and what it is." Maybe I am just too optimistic in thinking that surly, if you are a little bit transparent with people you can gain trust and understanding and hopefully be abe to better lead them. I realize that there is always going to be an opportunity for people to hurt you. I just think that people will find that opportunity to hurt you regardless of anything else, if it is in their hearts to hurt you.

Let me give an example of when I have been transparent. I have let my church members know and understand that I need their love just as they need mine. They also understand that I look to Jesus first and foremost for my love and acceptance, but it is nice to be part of the church family along with them.... and in this I have found that they are more comfortable with me, and tend to be a little more open with me. This helps me to know where they are at and so that i know what tp pray for them and what to ask for in guidance on how to better lead them.

I hope that makes sense. For more seasoned ministers out there... how much transparency do you allow?

And again.. don't want to worry anyone into thinking that I jsut go tell everyone everything in my heart, becasue I do protect my pearls and I do not give what is sacred to the dogs. There is wisdom in not being completely transparent.

Hmm

A friend of mine posted this...

First I want to share something because its fresh on my mind and after last nights dream...I awoke with knowing that today is different in the spirit realm. Let me start by saying that lately God has really been laying on my heart that "enough is enough" both in his church and in this world. God showed me a while ago in a vision and every time God has shown me this vision there’s a change that’s coming. The vision just wasn't meant for us. This time it was different though. Now for those that know me...I love that God has called me to be a prophetic voice to his people but sometimes it’s also very hard. Because I see where God is going and my heart grieves and prays for mercy.

Anyways, the vision I had a few weeks ago, God showed me a river of blood, but the top layers of blood had dried and got old where it started to go bad. There were bugs living on the dead blood, it was not pretty. Underneath, the river of blood was trying to move but it couldn't. The dead blood was slowly absorbing all the fresh blood. You could feel the despair and urgency. All of a sudden, a sword came down, it was piercing and its medal radiated with such power. The sword pierced the dead layers of blood and as the blade and dead blood touched, the dead blood was shattered and torn in pieces. This created a flow for the fresh blood to move again. The intensity of this vision was incredible. And all I could hear God say was "enough is enough". I wish I could fully express the authority and intensity that I felt. But for those of you that are parents, the best way to give you an idea would be when your kids just won't stop fighting, and all they are doing is hurting one another and no matter how many times you correct them, they just ignore you. Until you get to the point where you’ve had enough and you walking in and stop them saying "alright that is enough". It’s as if God is saying “that’s it, its time to stop fighting with each other and with me, stop trying to make things go your way, stop twisting my words to make you look like you are doing my will when really you’ve done your own thing, stop stinking up my plans, just stop. Because I’m tired of this and I am going to sever those that are dead from hindering those that are being obedient.” It was the most intense moment, all I could think was “uh oh, we’ve upset daddy. And does anyone else see daddy upset?”

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Some personal stuff inthe middle...

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I’ve been sitting here the last while asking God “so what was that all about? God said “Part of what you saw last night is what is going on with my bride. They need to rise up and go to battle because the enemy is winning in some of my houses. I have been banned from some of my houses because I am no longer wanted. New rulers are running my homes which I have destined for furthering the kingdom. There are those that are in my house that are trying to fight for my right to stay but they are fighting alone, or they are fighting without their full armor. They are fighting with weapons that are not longer useable; they are using methods and tactics that are not useable because it’s a different warfare. But they are not asking me what to do in those battles; they are still trying things from the past and hoping that they’ll work. But what they are not doing is sitting with me around the commanding table and asking me what the next plan of attack is. Because I have prepared a new battle plan that I need to release to them, but unless they are prepared, equipped and know this plan this battle will end in a loss. Just like the vision I showed you, I AM the one who can bring victory. My word (sword) can sever the goats from the sheep, the dead blood from the alive blood so that my bride can be ready so that I can move on her and bless her. But unless they are prepared, get equipped and have the new battle plan, they will fight this alone and lose.” And for those of you that know you are stinking up Gods plan there is going to be consequences for it. God led me to the book of Joel this morning while I was praying. God showed me that he has been releasing locusts on some bodies, because he has spoke to them and told them to “stop” all this and they won’t. So the locusts are coming in to plague and destroy what is there to so that God can bring repentance to the body. Because unless there’s repentance God will be locked out of some of his churches around this nation. As you read this, where do you fit in this…..are you fighting but not fully equipped? Do you know how to call on him for him to rescue you? Are you sitting at the commanders table getting the strategic plans? Or are you someone who’s stinking up Gods plans. Which ever you are, you need to get back on your knees, and pray and seek him because even as God did in the book of Joel, with repentance comes a promise of blessing. And that blessing will be a fresh move of God that will change and impact our world. And it will fulfill the emptiness that has been in your heart for so long.

_____________________

I found this to be very intersting annnndddd... that's about all I'll say right now.

God's love breaks walls

I just wanted to be open tonight and share something personal that God did for me. God used one of my church members to tell me that they loved me.

This may not sound like a fairly big deal, but if you are in the ministry or married to someone who is.... you know how important those three words can truly be.

You see... we are a point at our church where we are really having to push through to grow. We are need to put all our faith on God, once again. And you would think that it would be easy over time to put your faith in God always, but we do get down and out.. and we as Christians do get hurt and weary.

Here is where I become very transparent, which is scary for me. I am a pastor's wife, and up until tonight I had been a very hurt and broken one. No one in particular had done anything in particular to me... in fact we have a wonderful church filled with wonderful people and right now I don't know what 'd do without my church family. I love LOVE my church... and yet I was still a hurting pastor's wife? yeah... I was. I was hurting because I was allowing my past to blur the vision of the future. And in certain areas where I didn't understand why certain people were or were not doing certain things... instead of clarifying it with them.. honestly, I let the devil fill in the blanks with whatever his little ol heart desired... and if the devil wasn't filling in the blanks, my flesh was. That, my friends, is a very bad and dangerous thing to do.

So, in allowing myself to believe in all of these lies, I was wallowing in my self pity. And oh, what a mess it was. I was hurt. I was allowing bitterness to take root into my heart. I was closing up and shutting down. I was believing that no one loved me or my husband. I was believing that people must think that we are horrible ministers because we can't seem to get this church to grow. I was actually believing that we must be holding this church back from it's true potential.

I allowed myself to believe that no one loved me, I was not cherished or cared for. Maybe pitied at best.

And then I came to camp meeting. I came hurting and weary. Broken and worn out. I didn't know how I was going to make it sitting through this meeting when all I wanted to do was be at home away from people.. in my secluded little hole. I wanted to give up on life. I wanted to revert back to old habits. I figured why should I even care anymore. And I proceeded to build a pretty sturdy wall. I refused to lift my hands during praise and worship. I didn't have it in my, I thought.

then I heard three words whispered, literally, into my ear.

We love you.

All my walls came tumbling with a loud crash to the ground. I started to cry uncontrollably. I needed to leave that sanctuary. And in the hallway I met with the person who had whispered it in my ear. It was one of my church members. God had moved on her heart to come and whisper it to me.. and the timing was impeccable. Right at the moment when I was about to make a final decision to give up - I hear those three words I so desperately needed to hear... and all the lies dissapated into the air and I was free from those bonds that were wrapping themselves around me, suffocating me spiritually.


Please, don't feel sorry for me. I was hurting because I was allowing myself to believe in something that wasn't true. I was reading into things that weren't there, and when there was a blank in what I knew about the situation I filled in that blank with what made 'logical sense'. I didn't seek out the truth, and I didn't leave it in God's hands. I made a nice nasty little mess for myself. I have NO ONE to blame but myself. It wasn't the church, I have a wonderful church filled with wonderful people. It wasn't my husband... he's really been there for me. I can't even give the devil all the credit for the mess. But God is faithful, and he loves me... and he moved on the heart of someone who I am very thankful listened.. and was obedient. All she did was tell me that she loved me, and that love washed everything away.

I'm sharing this testimony for two reasons. If you are a minister or a wife reading this, please don't allow hurt to hold you back. Leave it in God's hands and trust in His love for you. He would not place you in a den of lions to devour you. He loves you and he will take care of those he loves.

And if you are a church member, please realize the opportunity you have to minister to your pastor or your minister of the Gospel. Love on them, and let them know that they are loved... let them know through your actions and through your words. You do not need to be their buddy buddy or best friend to be able to minister them. Telling them " Hey pastor, I love you. Hey pastor's wife, I love you. Hey minister so and so... I love you, we are praying for you, we have faith in God to lead you and in turn lead us. " You may never know how important this is to a leader in the church, and words can not tell you how valuable those words are.

And last of all, let those around you know how much you appreciate one another. We all need to know that we are loved and accepted. Don't ever assume that people know that they are cared for... because it's not just nice to hear once in a while.. it's important to hear it, and be reminded of it. It's easy to forget, especially when you're in the process of planning a pity party and creating a mess for yourself to wallow in.

Thank you to that lady who was obedient to God moving on your heart. I NEEDED that, and I love you too.

Thank you to my church for being who you all are. I love each and everyone of you very very VERY much.

I have a great church family.

Thank you God for loving me, and pulling me out of the mess I was making.

SEND OUT AN APB!

IN THE ROOM


This was the last known cyber where abouts of Libby... I think she has gotten lost in that room she had talked about !!!!!!!

Just thinking about you Libby.... hope all is going well and tha tyou're feeling ok!



..

My Princess

And it was a royal pain in the butt to get this picture too! Don't let the sweet look fool you!!!!!!